You know you're drinking too much coffee when . . .
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Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
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You ski uphill (on alpine skis)!
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You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
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You speed walk in your sleep.
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You have a bumper sticker that says:
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"Coffee drinkers are good in the sack."
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You answer the door before people knock.
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You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
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You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
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You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
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You sleep with your eyes open.
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You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
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The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
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You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the
timer.
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You lick your coffeepot clean.
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You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."
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You're the employee of the month at the local coffee house and you
don't even work there.
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You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
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Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
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You chew on other people's fingernails.
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The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
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Your T-shirt says:
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"Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's coffee."
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Your so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
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You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.
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You can jump-start your car without cables.
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Cocaine is a downer.
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All your kids are named "Joe."
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You don't need a hammer to pound in nails.
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Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet &
Low."
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You don't sweat, you percolate.
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You buy milk by the barrel.
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You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
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You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
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You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not
plugged in.
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You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
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Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
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You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
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People get dizzy just watching you.
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When you find a penny, you say:
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"Find a penny, pick it up. Sixty-three more, I'll have
a cup."
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You've worn the finish off your coffee table.
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The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
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Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
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Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
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You're so wired, you pick up AM radio.
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People can test their batteries in your ears.
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Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
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Instant coffee takes too long.
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You channel surf faster without a remote.
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When someone says:
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"How are you?", you say:
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"Good to the last drop."
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You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a
coffee can
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You want to come back as a coffee mug in your next life.
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Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
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You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
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You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
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You're offended when people use the word "brew" to
mean beer.
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You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."
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You get drunk just so you can sober up.
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You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.
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Your Thermos is on wheels.
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Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
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You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
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You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
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You short out motion detectors.
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You have a conniption over spilled milk.
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You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
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Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
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You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
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You don't tan, you roast.
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You don't get mad, you get steamed.
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Your three favorite things in life are...coffee before and coffee
after.
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Your lover uses soft lights, romantic music, and a glass of iced coffee
to get you in the mood.
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You can't even remember your second cup.
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You help your dog chase its tail.
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You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
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Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
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You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.
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You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides
Resuscitation."
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Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.